you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
