WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
