I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
