Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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