She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
