Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
