Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
