OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
