when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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