Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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