Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
