I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
