Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
