so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
