my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
