Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
