he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
