when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
