I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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