my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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