I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
