Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
