If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
