Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
