Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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