we should wear snuggies to the strip club
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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