Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
