the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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