We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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