Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
