her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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