its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
