do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
