It's like God shit irony all over that family
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
