Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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