dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
