I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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