You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
