So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
