What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
