Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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