I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize