so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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