we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
