i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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