just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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