this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I AM VODKA MAN
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
