Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just cropdusted the office
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
