Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
