Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
