nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
