i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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