Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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