When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
