I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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