Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will be naked everywhere
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
