I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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