watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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